When you feel something, do not be angry with yourself. Instead, tell yourself, “I am feeling this way, and that is acceptable. ” If you feel stressed or anxious about how you are feeling, you might want to set aside some time and allow yourself to feel your emotions and be very aware of them for that period. [2] X Expert Source Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MAAdult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.
If you are having difficulty tuning into your body, try physically relaxing your body by sitting in a quiet place and taking deep breaths. Repeat the mantra, “What is this feeling?” to get a sense of the bodily responses associated with each feeling.
Try to learn words that make your feelings as specific as possible. For example, instead of saying “good,” which is very general, use words like “joyful,” “fortunate,” “appreciative,” or “elated. ” Conversely, instead of saying you feel “bad,” say you feel “irritated,” “uncertain,” “discouraged,” or “rejected. ”[5] X Research source [6] X Research source
Complicated emotions may arise from feeling both primary and secondary emotions. Primary emotions are the initial response to a situation and secondary emotion is the direct or indirect emotions felt following the primary emotion. For example, if someone breaks up with you, you might initially feel anguished, and then feel as though you are not worthy of love. Decipher your primary and secondary emotions to give yourself a fuller picture of your mental processes. [8] X Research source
“I” statements have three parts, the emotion, the behavior, and the why. When you use the “I” statement, say a compound sentence like this: “I feel angry when you argue with me about my job because it undermines my intelligence. ”
For example, say something like, “I really enjoy spending time with you. You are so important in my life and I want to connect at a deeper level with you. I am a bit nervous about talking about this, but I want to be open with you. I feel…”[9] X Research source In a professional setting, start the conversation by being honest, direct, and positive. For example, say something like, “I really appreciate all of the hard work you are doing. Let’s talk about how we can help you and the company succeed. “[10] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source Let the conversation be organic and do not get upset or offended by the person’s response.
Loved ones can also provide different perspectives on situations that you might not have considered. They can be a valuable sounding board that can help you work through your feelings.
Feedback can include asking for clarification, such as, “What I heard you say is that you feel. . . ” or reflecting on the speaker’s words by saying something like, “This seems important to you because…”[13] X Research source
Practice deep breathing at least three times per week for it to be most effective.
Choosing the right friends can be a long, trial-and-error process. Choose friends who inspire, support, uplift, and energize you.
Turn to therapists, reputable online websites, call lines, and even religious leaders to talk about your feelings.
As you are breathing, think about each feeling, where it came from, and how you want to respond to it.
Try to set aside just 20 minutes per day to journal. Don’t worry about grammar or punctuation. Write quickly to block out any unnecessary thoughts. This is your own personal journal so do not be afraid if it is incoherent or illegible. [19] X Research source First, try writing about a good experience to anchor your thoughts, and then move on to how that experience made you feel. Try to describe your feelings in terms of colors, weather, or music. For example, if you felt happy today, describe what color or what kind of weather your happiness would be.
Other ways to release your feelings are to do yoga, give yourself gentle face massages, and engaging in activities you enjoy.
By using positive reinforcement to reward yourself for these good feelings, your brain begins to associate that when you feel good on the inside, good things happen externally, too. [21] X Research source In this way, you may be able to condition yourself to think positively.
For example, your close friend is leaving town and you recognize that you are upset and sad about her leaving. You could choose to avoid her or pick fights with her to minimize the pain to yourself, or you could choose to spend as much time with her as possible.
