There are countless ways to set up safe and respectful boundaries between you and this person. [1] X Research source If you do see this person, be open without giving them all of your attention. Protect yourself without isolating them. Prepare some reasonable excuses why you can’t see this person. You might feel like you are deceiving your friend, especially if you have an honest history. Just know that you are doing this only because you need time to get over them. [2] X Research source Monetary related issues are nearly always understandable, especially if it’s in relation to having to work longer hours. If you work longer hours, then you’re more tired, and exhaustion should always be a viable excuse.
When you’re in love, the central dopamine levels in your brain will ramp up, giving you an intense attention and focus on the person that you’re falling for. [3] X Research source Your love object will be occupying a great deal of your daily thoughts, so it may feel like you are obsessing over them. It’s unlikely, if you’re really in love with this person, that you’re thinking about anyone else. Your thoughts will all be overly positive, as you overlook your love object’s negative traits when you’ve fallen for them. If you feel any or all of these things, you may actually be in love with your best friend. You must make sure that you aren’t feeling this way because you’re lonely and have a strong platonic bond with this person. You run the risk, when considering your love for your best friend, of misinterpreting the caring relationship between you for romantic love. [4] X Research source Make sure that you aren’t reaching out to this person because you want a romantic relationship, and they seem like a good fit.
If you judge your emotions, or tell yourself that you aren’t allowed to feel them, then you’re hiding from the realness of your pain. Even though it’s immensely difficult to cope with heartbreak, you will become stronger in the process. You will also spend less time wallowing if you accept your emotions and try to focus on the present.
Remember that your rejection does not rest entirely on your character. Your best friend might be coping with some massive issues with their own identity. This person may be afraid to commit themselves to you because of fear and insecurity. Being alone will help you grow, and even though it feels like an insurmountable pain, you’ll be stronger as a result. Try to see this as an opportunity to improve upon yourself, or take time to work on your own goals. Rejection has the potential to fuel your drive as a human being, as you can use these bad feelings to inform your forward momentum. If you fall back into a self-deprecating spiral, you won’t be able to move beyond your pain. Remembering that rejection is inevitable will make this particular rejection seem less significant.
Known as the “White Bear Effect,” your active attempts to not think about a white bear will undoubtedly make a white bear pop into your mind. [8] X Research source This is the case with all addictions and obsessions. When your love object enters your mind, you must acknowledge their existence, despite the pain. You don’t need to panic, and you certainly don’t need to take it as a sign that you’ll never get over them.
You need to learn how to reconnect with your emotions in the present, rather than thinking about the mistakes of your past. Meditation helps in centering your brain toward the now. A simple cross-legged meditation is a good place to start. Hold your spine tall and bring your hands to the center of your heart. Keep your palms held together, with the thumbs and the pinkies aligned. Bring your focus to the tip of your nose and breathe. When you release your fear and anxiety about the past, you’ll be able to use the energy you’ve gained in moving forward with strength.
Depending on how tumultuous your romantic feelings toward your best friend have been, you may have felt distant from your other friendships for quite some time. Because you can’t pine over this person anymore, you can focus your energy on healthier relationships in your life.
Coined by Tibetan Buddhist teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche, the phrase “real but not true,” is important to keep in mind when processing these emotions. You can validate that you are feeling a certain way without giving absolute power to the emotions.
Don’t inundate your date with your sad story. They shouldn’t have to be burdened with what you’re going through. Even if nothing comes of your date, you can definitely find comfort in your connection with another person. If anything, setting up a profile on OKCupid or another dating site will provide you with some positive reinforcement from strangers. [15] X Research source It’s not going to solve your problems, but any positive word from those around you will help you heal.
It may seem unproductive, especially when this person has very recently broken your heart, but extending love toward this person will actually help you get over them. It can add to your peace of mind and stability, and you’ll eliminate a lot of potential cynicism. This does not mean that you should extend this love to this person in a tangible way. Don’t give them attention through the internet or send a text. You can, however, wish them positive feelings when by yourself.
If you’ve taken the proper time to be alone and get yourself back on track, then you can decide whether or not you feel ready to be friends again. Don’t be hard on yourself if you’re having trouble moving on. It may require far more time than you initially anticipated. With more time apart, new feelings for others may enter your brain. This may or may not help you get over your former love object.
Figure out what sort of relationship you might have with this person. You may not be able to spend time alone watching television, but perhaps you can still chat over a beer or cup of coffee.
Be sure that you’re actively pushing through the awkwardness. Figure out your new boundaries as friends. You’ll both have to change your expectations and assess what you’re allowed to do, so this should start with acceptance of your present situation.
