If he’s really playing you, then he probably has his balancing act down to an art. If you try to change his usual schedule, then you may be able to call his bluff. Ask yourself if he’s always the one who decides where you should go. Of course, he may just want to take charge for other reasons, but this could be a giveaway that he wants to steer you away from places where you’re likely to run in to some of his other ladies.
If he doesn’t want to become a bigger part of your life, then it’s because he doesn’t want things to get too serious. That said, if you try to rush him into meeting your friends, or even your family, after just a few weeks of dating, then you may be moving too fast. He may have legitimate reasons for taking things slow, like wanting to make sure he knows where things stand, or giving his friends some time to get used to the idea of him having a new girlfriend because he recently got out of a serious relationship.
If he really cares for you, then he should be excited to see you and should even show you some affection. Of course, he doesn’t have to be as affectionate in public as he would be in private, but he should act like he really wants to see you. [3] X Expert Source Cher GopmanDating Coach Expert Interview. 17 May 2019. Check out his body language. Does he make eye contact and move toward you? If so, then that’s a good sign. But if he stands away from you, crosses his arms over his chest, and keeps looking around instead of looking at you, then this means that he’s trying to keep his distance.
You don’t want to put the pressure on him to be affectionate in public too early, but if you’ve gone on several dates and he still stands a foot away from you any time you’re out together, then this may be a cause for concern.
Think about it: does he often leave you feeling confused about what he really feels about you or where you stand with him? If so, then this may be because he’s playing with your emotions. [5] X Expert Source Cher GopmanDating Coach Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.
If the guy is serious about you, then he should be excited about hanging out with you instead of his friends, at least some of the time. Though you don’t want him to give up his other friends or his social life for you completely, if he makes no compromises for you at all, then it may be because he’s playing with you.
Think about it: does he ever leave his phone out, even for a second, or is it always stuck in his pocket? Though you don’t want to snoop through it, if you can tell that he’s freaked out even about the idea of you seeing who is calling or texting him, then you may have a problem. Another thing you can look out for is if he turns off his phone completely when he’s hanging out with you. Though this may be a sweet gesture to give you his full attention, it may also be his way of warding off other girls who might be calling him when you’re together.
If he says he’s busy studying or doing work and then you find out that he’s been doing something else, even if he’s just hanging out with his brother, then he’s playing you. If he cared for you, then he’d be honest about what he was doing instead of lying.
Of course, if you’ve been dating for three weeks and start talking about your wedding, it’s natural that he’ll freak out, but if you just bring up what you’ll both be doing a month from now, then he’ll have no reason to worry if he cares for you. Listen to how he talks about you and the relationship. If he never, ever brings up the future or includes you in his future plans, then he may be playing you.
If he’s sweet to you when it’s just the two of you, but is more buddy buddy or even distant around his friends, then he may just like to flirt with you without wanting anything serious. Of course, some guys like to act tough in front of their friends, and he may not shower you with kisses when you meet them. But if he’s never even told them about you, then he may just be playing you.
Sometimes, words do speak louder than actions, and if he refuses to call you his girlfriend though you’ve been dating for a while, then there must be a reason behind it. He may be afraid of commitment without playing you. If this is the case, you still need to have a talk about it.
If he really likes you, then he’ll find no need to talk to other girls in a flirtatious way. Sure, he can still talk to them and he doesn’t have to ignore every girl but you, but if you can tell from the way he talks to other girls that he wants more from them than just friendship, then he may be playing you. Though you don’t want to spy on him or get too obsessive, if one of your friends is at a party where he’s talking to other girls, ask your friend what it was like. Though your friend shouldn’t be too obvious about watching him, you may get a better read on the situation this way than you would if you were in the room yourself.
If you’ve heard the excuse “my phone died” more than twice, then chances are, this is not the real reason he didn’t call you back. If he seems extra sweet and apologetic when he gives you these excuses, then it may be because he’s covering up the fact that he’s lying.
Though you don’t want to interrogate him, if you just ask a few questions without making a big deal about it, you may even be able to catch him in a lie. Ask him while you’re doing something else, like scrolling through your phone, so he doesn’t see that you’re really trying to figure him out.
Though this may not be easy, this is far better than wondering for months. You’ll have a definitive answer, once and for all. And if he’s obviously lying, then you’ll be able to see that, too. If you’re really feeling bold, you can just flat-out ask him if he’s cheating. Point to some shady behavior that has led you to feel this way.
Tell your friends to be honest with you. They shouldn’t lie to you just to spare your feelings. They can investigate a bit if you really want them to. If it won’t look too obvious, you can have one of your friends casually show up in a place where your guy is likely to be and to keep an eye on him to see how he is with other girls. Of course, if he thinks you’ve sent a spy in his direction, he’ll be on his best behavior.
Just know that this is pretty risky behavior that can lead you to get caught. If you’re caught and he hasn’t been doing anything wrong, this can be a relationship ender for you, so make sure you really think following him is a good idea before you begin.
Of course, if it’s totally absurd that you would show up at his house out of the blue, then he’ll be on to you. But if you’ve come over there before and it hasn’t been a big deal, just try to make it seem natural.
The problem with snooping is that, even if you’ve found evidence, you’ll have to admit that you’ve been going through the guy’s things if you want to call him out. This will make him angry at you, and will take the focus off the real situation. If you’re looking through his phone, have an excuse ready in case he catches you. You can say that your phone died and that you were looking up the restaurant where you two were having dinner or that you needed to quickly check your email or something. Though this may not be too convincing, it may be better than nothing.
You can even try asking him simple questions like which movie he saw if he went to the movies with his friends. If he looks embarrassed or clearly doesn’t know the answer, then you’ll know that he’s playing you.
When you’re with a guy who really cares for you and who is there for only you, you’ll know. You won’t spend hours calling him and wondering where he is and you won’t have to stoop as low as snooping through his things or following him because you’ll have no reason to do it. You’ll know that he’s there for you 100% and that will be an amazing feeling.
