Real friends will help you move furniture, ride to the airport with you, and assist you with your homework. Avoid making too many demands of your friends. If you’re in constant need of help, it might be difficult for people to get close enough to you to consider you a friend.
If a friend declines your request, that doesn’t automatically mean that you lost a friend, but the way they react can tell you a lot about them. Does your friend react as if your plan is the lamest idea ever? That’s a bad sign. Does your friend legitimately want to go to a movie and be a homebody? That’s different.
Tell your friend how you’re feeling about a date, or about a situation with your family that’s stressing you out. Don’t expect answers, but if you don’t get a sympathetic ear, or if your friend seems annoyed, that’s not a great sign. This is different than gossip. Lots of people like to gossip. That doesn’t make them good friends.
Invite a friend over for dinner with your family for an easy and quick way of testing the situation. Make sure to ask your parents first, to make sure it’s ok.
If you’ve got a friend using you for your car, your Xbox, or your pool, ask them to hang out at another time or say your car’s in the shop. If they cancel, that’s a bad sign.
Your friend never celebrates your accomplishments or criticizes you instead of congratulating Your friend becomes more distant You sense a “negative” energy Your friend disappears from you when you’re struggling and need help
Talk to your other friends if you’re curious about how you’ve spoken in private. Good friends will let you know the truth. [4] X Research source If anyone bad-mouths you to your face, that’s obviously not a friend. Joking around with someone is one thing, but if somebody puts you down and doesn’t recognize that it’s hurting your feelings, that’s not someone who has your friendship in mind.
While it might sound like a weird question, and the person will likely be taken aback, you can follow up with what you’ve been noticing. “I’ve noticed that you only want to hang out when you can use my pool and that you’re talking trash about me to other people when I’m not around. That doesn’t seem like a friend. What’s going on?” Let people explain themselves. If you don’t like what you hear, or if they try to defend behavior that is indefensible, that person is not your friend.
Ask yourself the test questions, even if you’re not sure of the answers, and go with your gut: Would your friend pick you up from the airport at midnight, if you needed it? Would your friend sit through a boring Sunday dinner with your grandparents, just to be a good friend and hang out afterward? Would your friend be able to celebrate with you, if you won something and she didn’t?
Compliment you sincerely Talk favorably about yourself to others Seem genuinely excited when you succeed Empathize with you when you’re having a tough time
Don’t pressure yourself to do things you don’t want to do Don’t judge you for opening-up Don’t embarrass you and aren’t embarrassed by you Act the same way around you as around other people Don’t make demands of you
Politely disagree with you Don’t attack you personally Have your best interest at heart Know what you want and what you need
Stay in touch, even if you’re both changing Make your friendship a priority Want to hear about the details of your life Remember past conversations you’ve had
Are easy to hang out with Make you feel relaxed Don’t add to your stress Don’t cause “drama”
Accept your apologies Forgive your failures Don’t expect you to be someone you’re not Don’t dig up dirt from the past
