Really knowing yourself will make you much more ready to meet someone else. Though personal growth is a lifelong process, if you’re struggling to figure out who you are, it’ll be much more difficult to figure out what you want in a relationship. Do your best to discover what are your core values and what you really want from life right now. Being aware of your flaws, and being ready to address them, will also make you more ready to address the issues that arise in a relationship. If you’re convinced you’re perfect, you’ll be much less likely to compromise.
If you expect perfection, then you’ll be too picky to be able to see whether the man in front of you is right for you after all. Let’s say you go on a first date with a guy who you think is “okay” and decide never to see him again; why not have a rule of going on at least two dates with a guy before you write him off?[2] X Research source If you turn away a guy who doesn’t meet all the criteria on your “perfect man” checklist, you may be overlooking some amazing qualities you didn’t even know you were looking for. Just remember: not expecting perfection does not mean the same thing as being ready to settle. You’re better off being alone than ending with a guy who you think is “good enough” or “better than being alone. "
You should have enough meaning in your own life – through your friendships, work, and outside interests – to make you a person who is happy on her own but ready for commitment. To grow as a person and be ready to meet the perfect man, you should always designate some time each week for some much-needed “alone time. " If you spend all of your free time with friends or family, you are much more likely to be codependent. If you enjoy your own company, you will also be a more fun person to meet, because you’ll be excited to talk about all the things that matter to you.
You don’t have to brag about what an amazing person you are; you just have to know that you are a worthwhile person deep down. Finding the man of your dreams will not make you automatically love yourself. You’ll need to work to build your self-confidence on your own. Of course, finding the right man will make you love yourself even more. But you need to start with a baseline of self-love for this to work.
You shouldn’t date people you obviously don’t like just to get some experience, but you should think about being open-minded and dating various people, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone a bit. Getting some experience will also help you see how difficult it is to find “the perfect man”; every man is different and has a lot to offer, but nobody’s perfect. If you expect perfection but never date, it’ll be much harder to shatter this illusion.
The person’s relationship style. This is an ever-important and underrated point to consider. If you’re the kind of person who needs attention 24/7 (generally not a good idea), then you’ll need to find a man with similar needs; if you want to find love but need time to hang out with your own friends and do your own thing, then it’s important that you see eye-to-eye with your man on this too. The person’s interests. Is it essential that your perfect man loves books, hiking, running, painting, tennis, or volunteering as much as you do? If you feel like your key interests must be shared by your loved one, then look for a guy who shares these interests – or is at least enthusiastic about learning about them. Personality traits. Though you can’t say what makes the “perfect” personality for you, there are a few traits that you can look out for. Do you love to make people laugh and need a guy who shares your quirky sense of humor? Are you the sensitive type and need someone who understands your emotions? Great. If you can’t live without these qualities in a man, don’t force it. Social stance. Are you the shy type, and need someone who brings you out of your shell? Are you outgoing and looking for someone to rein you in a bit, or do you want someone with a similar social bearing so you’re understood? Sometimes opposites attract in this category (you may not want to be with someone who craves attention as much as you do, for example), but you should find your social counterpart, whatever that may be. His ability to get with your friends and family. Do you need a guy who fits right in with your friends and family, or is this something you can take or leave? If you spend most of your free time with your friends and family and needs someone who can join right in, then this should be something you should look out for. Religion. If you’re Jewish and need someone who shares your religion, or who is open to converting, then you can narrow down your search from the start. Family values. If you’re certain that you want to have two or more kids but meet a man who says he hates children, you shouldn’t try to work it out and try to change him – this will be much harder than you think. When you’re younger, you might just want to create a lot of fun times, a lot of adventures, and a lot of intimacy. As you get a little bit older, it’s common to want to create a partnership. Only by really understanding what you want right now and evaluating potential partners this way will you be able to tell when someone’s right for you.
If you’re missing that physical feeling. However, you may convince yourself that physical attraction can grow over time; this may not happen for you. If your dream man seems perfect but you just can’t work yourself up to have the hots for him then Houston, you have a problem. Disagreement over something that matters to you. If you’re obsessed with Mitt Romney and your man is a tree-hugging liberal, then you can either enjoy having the constant disagreement, or realize that this disagreement over core values just won’t work for you in the end. Geographical incompatibility. If you’re an actress who has to live in LA, and he’s determined to live in Missouri near his family, or to even live abroad, then you may never be able to make it work if this is something you absolutely refuse to compromise on.
Don’t reject the man because he only meets 8 of your 10 most important criteria. He may have other qualities you didn’t even know you needed. If you’re with a person but always have a fundamental disagreement that you keep coming back to, then you may be better off moving on than trying to fix something that is too broken. In the end, you may find that it’s all about balance. As long as both of you make each other happy and fulfill most of each others’ needs, you’re off to a great start.
Ask your friends. There is nothing shameful about asking your friends to set you up; if you ask someone who really knows you and has a sense of who you’ll click with, then you have a great chance of being set up with a person who is right for you. Find someone who shares your interests. Join a roadside runners, hiking, or acting club and look out for the guy who loves the same things that matter to you. Look for him at a party. Many people meet the loves of their lives at the party of a mutual friend; your friend can bring together various people who all generally get along and can click over a few glasses of wine. If your friend invites you to a party at her house, be open to the invitation. Go online. Welcome to the 21st century, girl. More and more people are meeting their dream men online, so don’t knock online dating until you try it.
You don’t have to be exactly like your dream man, but if you want someone who is funny and confident, it would help to share these qualities too. He can bring out your best qualities, but he can’t force you to take on a new personality.
The more things that interest you, the more likely you’ll be to connect with a man you meet. If you have five interests that matter to you, you’ll be more likely to find a guy who connects with at least one of them. The more interests you have, the less likely you’ll be to obsess over finding the right guy, which will in turn make you much more desirable.
If you dress to express a subculture like Goth or medieval recreation or something, you’ll stand a better chance of finding someone within that subculture but it may put off mainstream guys. Artists are often attracted to women with paint in their hair, mainstream guys might not be.
If you’re willing to give up everything you love about yourself for the man you’re with, then you have a big, big problem.
If you try to be someone else just to hook him, he’ll eventually find out, and he’ll feel like you were trying to trick him.
If the man is really the man of your dreams, then obviously, you’ll want to tell him. But if you reveal this too early, you may look like you’re a little desperate. In the beginning, keep things light. Go on dates once or twice a week at most, but don’t call him every day or try to see him as much as possible in the beginning, or you may scare him away.
This doesn’t mean that you should rush to say “I love you” – or to say it before you mean it. But it does mean that you should be aware that men like to be praised, too. When you’re together, if he likes to hold hands, cuddle, or kiss, return the affection. If he feels like he’s always starting it first, then he may not see that you’re into him.
Compatibility isn’t something you can force, but it should be something you can look out for. If you find yourselves fighting a lot, ask yourself if it means that you’re just not cut from the same cloth, or if both of you just like to problem-solve by fighting.
If you want to quickly doom your relationship, you should talk about marriage as early as possible. Every relationship is different. Don’t worry about your friends who got engaged after just a year together and try to force that on your own relationship if it doesn’t fit.
Of course, you should both be willing to compromise, but this will be much easier if your visions of the future aren’t wildly different. Obviously, the most important shared long-term goal should be developing your relationship. You should both be invested in the relationship 100% to be able to move forward.
